I can't believe I am really doing this! I have admired from afar those of you who blog so easily. I so enjoy reading the wonderful tidbits from your lives, the pearls of wisdom scattered throughout your posts. they make me smile and encourage me. I feel so inadequate when I sit at the keyboard, but I am jumping in anyway! In my life, many years ago (seems like an eon) when I was a teen, I fancied myself a writer. I penned many a magnificent (so I thought anyway) story that usually involved beautiful horses and cute guys from famous rock bands who stumbled upon our quaint village and fell in love with my best friend and me ( I of course got the cutest guy, my friend got his goofy sidekick).
I am not a skilled writer. I am not clever. But I have some things on my heart and i feel the need to try to share them, if only to see it in black and white for myself.
God has been whispering to me sme things for awhile now. I need to start listening. It's about my selfishness. There, I said it; my selfishness. I've grown up in the land of planty, and I have never really needed for any essential. For that, I am so thankful. God is my wonderful Provider. But sometimes this plenty pricks my soul. I walk through the malls or grocery store and sometimes am appalled by the smount of STUFF that calls out to us to buy, buy, buy every day. Then I come home to see my overflowing cupboards filled with STUFF I don't use because it doesn't appeal to me anymore, like the several cans pf Spaghettios that were such a great price, but i don't really like them. I go to my closet, packed with clothes. How many times do I peruse the 20 pairs of pants, or 13 sweaters, and sullenly declare "I have nothing to wear!" because I don't like the way they look or feel on my body. Then I stop in my computer room, littered with all kinds of devices, and browse the web looking at the newest and fastest and coolest devices out there...wouldn't I love to have an IPad, or a Kindle Fire?? Think of the fun and satisfaction I would have playing with these things....when I already have a smartphone, a Zune, a Nook, but I want more, more. In fact, I am typing this on my new laptop that I decided I had to have.
I, like most Americans, am trying to find fulfillment and satisfaction by grabbing onto and consuming for myself every thing out there. My body (and closets) are fat, but my soul is lean. Last week i started on a journey to discover what it means to feast on the Lord and started an online Bible study called The Lord's Table. It is challenging me to refocus my desires and seek my satisfaction first in Jesus and the spiritual food he provides. It's not easy to change long engrained habits, but I am hopeful that God is using this to truly change my selfish heart to one that loves obedience. Today I took another step out into the unknown. I discovered a 40 day challenge to fast in some way to break ourselves of selfishness and remember the poor. It's called "A Place at the Table". I am scared because I have never been one to follow through on things, but I want things to change, so I am going for it anyway. I will stop bakc here from time to time to update.
So...I must close now and venture out into the world. Blessings to any who may wander by here.
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